Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2015
Acct. Script copy 51614
Client: Ramco
FISH GRABBER
HEY FISHERMEN, SICK AND TIRED OF MESSY WORMS, CRICKETS THAT WON'T STAY ON THE HOOK, AND HUMMING ARTIFICIAL LURES INTO THE WATER TILL YOUR ARMS FALL OFF?
HOLD ON!
NOW THERE'S "FISH GRABBER", A SPECIALLY DESIGNED COMPUTER CONTROLLED FISH SEEKER, WHICH HUNTS DOWN YOUR FISH AUTOMATICALLY!
REMEMBER THOSE DAYS OF BRINGING CLUNKY RIFLES TO YOUR FAVORITE FISHING HOLE, JUST TO WASTE AMMUNITION AND BE ARRESTED BY THE COPS?
AMMUNITION IS EXPENSIVE AND NOISY, AND LET'S FACE IT, (UNLESS YOU LIVE IN TEXAS, WHERE IF YOU FIND IT MOVING, YOU CAN LEGALLY JUST KILL IT), INCARCERATION JUST RUINS THE DAY...FOR A FISH DINNER, REALLY?
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF BINGE DRINKING, FIRE ARMS ARE THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO BE CARRYING AROUND. FISH DON'T STAY STILL IN THE WATER, ALL THAT CONSTANT MOVING AROUND DRIVES MOST OF US NUTS! HOW ARE YOU GUARANTEED ANYTHING TO EAT IF YOUR NOT ANY GOOD AT SHOOTING THINGS THAT AREN'T GOING TO STAY STILL?
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF BINGE DRINKING, FIRE ARMS ARE THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO BE CARRYING AROUND. FISH DON'T STAY STILL IN THE WATER, ALL THAT CONSTANT MOVING AROUND DRIVES MOST OF US NUTS! HOW ARE YOU GUARANTEED ANYTHING TO EAT IF YOUR NOT ANY GOOD AT SHOOTING THINGS THAT AREN'T GOING TO STAY STILL?
NOT TO WORRY!
SIMPLY CAST THE POWERED "FISH GRABBER" CARTRIDGE IN TO THE WATER AS YOU WOULD A USUAL LURE...AND WITHIN SECONDS IT'S SPECIAL IR SENSORS SEEK OUT THE CLOSEST FISH, AND THE CHASE IS ON!
IT'S TWIN ELECTRIC TURBO WARP SYSTEM COMES TO LIFE (POWERED BY CESIUM RADIOACTIVE PELLETS) IT CAN EASILY ACHIEVE 180 MILES PER HOUR... AND IN MERE SECONDS IT CLOSES IN ON IT'S PREY, PROVIDING THE SELECTED FISH WITH TOTALLY NO CHANCE OF ESCAPING.
WATCH PAPA CHUCKLE AS HE OPENS THE REEL, WHILE THE "FISH GRABBER" COMES TO LIFE, AND THE DESPOOLING TAKES PLACE...TRUE FAMILY ENJOYMENT, AS THE FISH BECOMES QUICKLY EXHAUSTED AND READILY SUBMITS TO CAPTURE.
FROM THERE, LET TECHNOLOGY DO THE DIRTY WORK, AS IT'S MECHANICAL CLAWS GRAB THE WORN OUT FISH BY THE TAIL, WHILE SENDING YOU A TEXT ON YOUR SMARTPHONE APP TO "REEL IN".
A FRESHLY CAUGHT FISH IS SOON IN YOUR NET...A FRESH FISH DINNER SOON AWAITS YOUR FAMILY!
WHAT COULD BE SIMPLER?
THIS IS TECHNOLOGY THAT HAS TED WILLIAMS TURNING IN HIS GRAVE!
BUT WAIT...LET'S BETTER THE DEAL...FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, FOR AN EXTRA $259.95, WE WILL INCLUDE THE AUTOMATED REEL, COMPUTERIZED HUMMING POLE, "ACTION CAMERA", "THE FISH GRABBER", AND AN UNDERWATER STORAGE BOX WHICH AUTOMATICALLY CATCHES AND STORES YOUR FISH UNDETECTED TILL YOUR READY TO LEAVE. HOW PERFECT IS THAT?
WHO NEEDS THE HASSLE OF A FISHING LICENSE WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN SEEM TO BE FISHING TO START WITH?
WHO NEEDS THE HASSLE OF A FISHING LICENSE WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN SEEM TO BE FISHING TO START WITH?
FOR THE FIRST 1000 CUSTOMERS WE'LL EVEN THROW IN A TWO YEAR SUPPLY OF CESIUM PELLETS...YOU CAN AUTO FISH EVERY DAY...WHAT A LIFE!
ORDER NOW!
PLEASE CALL 1-800--FISH GRAB
YOUR "FISH GRABBER" WILL BE BILLED TO YOUR MASTERCARD OR VISA AT $1,200
AUTOMATED "FISH GRABBER FOR $1,459.95
OR JUST PAY A MONTHLY INSTALLMENT OF $25 FOR THE REST OF YOUR WAKING LIFE.
HAPPY FISHING
From the makers of the "Robot Dog Walker" and the "Deer Hunt Rifle Drone"
RAMCO-Abusing Technology Wherever We Can!
p.s. Don't even ask...I was apparently out of my mind over the weekend and I tapped this out.
Seemed to be amusing anyway...please forgive my idiocy here...
RAMCO-Abusing Technology Wherever We Can!
p.s. Don't even ask...I was apparently out of my mind over the weekend and I tapped this out.
Seemed to be amusing anyway...please forgive my idiocy here...
Kirk Carter
Soho, New York
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