Chew Bear Business Report-2/18/2014

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

CHEW BEAR BUSINESS REPORT 2/18/2013

THE TRAVELING NEWLINS

TONIGHT ON THE CHEW BEAR BUSINESS REPORT, OUR LEAD STORY

THE TRAVELING NEWLINS

When we last left you, we had reported that Craig and Kat had left the confines of Oregon in the middle of the night to avoid unprecedented sneak attacks by local tax officials who actually had the audacity to pose as mail boxes, dress in squirrel outfits, and do spiritual chants in their front yard at all hours of the night. "Nothing was out of the question with these guys", according to Craig, "They actually changed the appraisal value of a pecan tree I had, claiming it was more valuable now, because it was in bloom and actually had nuts on it...these guys were nuts all right!"

They scurried away to Rolling Rock, Texas...building and operating a mid-size golf course which had several name changes during it's operation...FORE GONE CONCLUSION, LORDS OF THE NINE IRON, and lastly it closed under the name PUTT HAVEN. Craig had become frustrated with constantly having to mow the greens, breaking up ball sets in the clubhouse for the experts that only wanted one ball, and the increasing number of patrons who wanted to pay for their green fees in bitcoins.

His wife Kat was feeling the pressure herself, constantly retrieving and washing balls, the long drawn out afternoon socials, where she was quoted as saying, "These women aren't interested in golf...they're just a bunch of damn drunks", and the constant pressure from the Chamber Of Commerce to "Join Them", according to Kat, "It was like a cult...very creepy!"

So after a meeting with the board of directors, that being Craig and Kat, they moved the operation to East Texas and opened up an even bigger enterprise that incorporates a regional style swamp themed golf course which is literally built into the side of a deserted swamp.

According to Craig, "The game is the same except you wear hip boots, and when we post Hazard Ahead...we mean it!" Combined with that an adjacent lake awaits those that manage to survive the barrage of alligators, water moccasins, and the roving clouds of mosquitoes and killer bees which are strategically placed on the way to the next hole. Upon reaching the 18th hole, assuming your in one piece and don't require medical attention, your then given a rod and reel, where you must see how many Bass you can catch within an hour.

You can't fish till you golf and your not allowed to leave the lake until you catch at least one fish. 

Golf-Bass has it's critics though, one saying that the swamp and the lake were already there and that Craig had an unfair advantage of merely repositioning the critters between the holes, they were already there to start with!

Another business man quoted, "Do you know how much it cost to build a swamp...it's astronomical...you could never franchise something like that!" Another commented, "Nobody wants something like that in their backyard, rezoning would be a nightmare!"

The Newlins simply called them "Weak and Misguided...some people just don't have that sense of real adventure...there is a fifty percent survival rate, what else could ask for?" So, only time will tell if this will be a hit for Craig and Kat . Experts are already saying, "This is either pure genius or they're completely out of their minds!

FOR THE CHEW BEAR BUSINESS REPORT, THIS IS KIRK CARTER

STAY TUNED FOR CELEBRITY GOSSIP- TONIGHT'S STORY

LINDSEY LOHAN-BANNED FROM REHAB?