Playwrights-The Study

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

PLAYWRIGHTS-THE STUDY

When you think of a playwright, I always go directly to my mentor Neil Simon.

I admire how casually he developed such awesome fields of thought.

His construction is flawless, and just like myself, we plot stories on what pleased ourselves, on what appeals to us. If the public happens to enjoy the script too, all the better!

I'm a big believer in writing for yourself, not the audience. If it's good, you will develop a fan base, sooner or later. And one would think, "Hey, what about Ray Bradbury and Rod Serling, like they just popped in and started taking names...hardly! 

Ray managed over 30 stories before anyone even took notice, and Rod was at 50 writings before he sold anything worth mentioning. How about this, Steven King...some 26 tries before he got Carrie sold, and the Queen Bee herself J.K. Rowling labored through 30 attempts before Schoolastic took a chance on her odd little epic, better known as Harry Potter!

But, the one that stands out is Tennessee Williams who was in a constant stage of ridicule from his Father and just about every critic out there. Despite the fact that his health was not great, it wasn't until he changed his name and renamed a play he wrote that had just been rejected.
The "Glass Menagerie", now a classic and went on to be followed by "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof", and I'm sure you know the rest!

Here's a couple of my other favorites (there are lots of us by the way), but George Walker born in 1947, was commissioned by the Factory Theater Lab in Toronto to resident and produce plays. He scripted The Prince of Naples (1971), Ambush at Teather's End (71), Sacktown Rag (72), Filthy Rich (73), and they all flopped! However, once he pulled away from that madness where he was expected to produce, rather than on his own good time, he had two good successes with "Ramona and the White Slaves" and "Theater of the Film Noir"!

Here's a mentor that I characterize as "Best In Show", and that is Thornton Wilder...his really big success was with "Our Town" (1938). The premise is when Emily ask the stage manager who was running heaven right after she passed away if he would allow her one more visit to her town, for one last visit with friends and family. In the end she cries farewell once she realizes that the simple things, like smelling flowers, hearing the ticking of a clock, and hot baths were the things she really cherished. And so in the end of the play, she ask the stage manager, if anybody appreciates life while they live it? He replies, "Well, except for Saints, poets, and writers, people generally exist blindly, insistent to the miracles of their own daily lives!"

So, let's end this with the original Neil Simon (if your comedic minded that is), to the first comical playwright that we have recorded as legitimate...that being none other than the 
Great Euripides (485-406 B.C.) Although comedians that worked the street circuit in Greece gawked at his efforts, he wrote Bakchoi (405 B.C.), loved doing awkward plays about Barbarian women struggling to keep up with the social elite of Athens, like Elektra (417 B.C.),  Alkestis (438 B.C.), The Trojan Women (415 B.C.), then there were the monster plays like the Cyclops (426), Andromach (426 B.C.), and of course everyone's favorite The Suppliants (took a while to put this together, try 420-418 B.C.). He entered a total of 20 plays to the Dioanysian Playwright Contest (hard to believe that was the first Sundance Film Fest?") and only won 5 allotments. Anything less than five and I believe you became Lion food. His absolute best play was "The Phonetician Women" (411 B.C.) The governors of Athens and the Athens Play Commission kept kicking him out of town...but he just kept coming back. He died doing what he loved, making fun of the better sex...just couldn't stop messing with the ladies. They found a quill in a Lion's stomach, rumor had it that it belonged to Euripides. Just kidding, he actually exiled to Macedonia, but you must admit he's one interesting dude, wonder if Marvel will try to do any remakes of his adventures?

A writer's style is personal, self-induced, and ego driven. If you doubt what someone might think of your work, if you care at all, don't...I mean don't become a writer!

As far as the ego part, it is what gives you the self-discipline to put a project together from scratch, or as I've said so many times, "Fill in the Blank Page!"

So, in closing...Rule number one-Don't care. Rule number two-Be passionate. Rule number three-Just enjoy yourself, the rest will all fall into place.

Remember the Golden Rule, self-discipline comes easily, if your doing what you Love.

Stay entertained, do what you Love, live the Good Life!
See you at the movies!

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

SnowyThe Christmas Mouse

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

SNOWY THE CHRISTMAS MOUSE

Joe Weaver just turned 65 and had been planning his 25th wedding anniversary to his wife Jill. He had saved long and hard, putting a little something away for a special 25th edition diamond clustered silver ring just for his quarter century sweetheart. She had no clue as to what to expect, they had married on Christmas day...this would be extra special no matter what!

Snowy was a common white mouse, born in a mouse harvesting facility in Yonkers and was in the process of making the short commute by way of a large cardboard box filled with others like him to a Petco in Hoboken. The box was simply labeled "Live Mice", and his purpose in life was to become Snake food to some selfish Snake owners who enjoyed a mouse struggle in a contained environment...the Snake would always get his prey! Snowy had other ideas to why he existed, something spiritual...something planned?

So, just out of no where, Snowy got the idea to suck as much water as he could out of the community water tube which hung down for all the mice to share, and spit it toward a chosen corner. After several repetitions of this, he softened up the corner of the cardboard up so that he could easily chew out an escape hole. Didn't have to be much of a hole just to get the hell out of there!

Snowy was now free...only needed to find a little shelter, maybe a little something to eat. He soon found a nice little walk-up on 43rd and Elmhurst, second floor...just happened to be the Apartment 212, the home of Joe Weaver, his wife, and Katy... a Granddaughter acquired recently from Joe's Son's custody dispute!

Snowy had just found a vacant hole in the hallway between the two opposing bedrooms. Just as Snowy had made back from the kitchen with a cheekful of delectable crumbs, Katy spotted him and tried to make friends as he quickly dispersed behind the wall. But she knew, there was a new creature in the house...something cute, white, and with the most adorable pink nose! 

Joe Weaver had just returned from Zales, having satisfied his lay away contract concerning  the 25th anniversary wedding band, but tagging along, two trailer trash goobers who had followed him home from the jewelry store. They stopped and climbed the trash flue only a floor up and watched Joe carefully stash the ring into a black sock, placing the box in another location in case his wife came snooping around in the back of his top drawer. Snowy couldn't help himself, as he was trying to get acquainted with who was living in his new house, too?

When Joe left the room, Snowy saw the thief's rifle open the window and come in. With the blink of an eye they had managed to get into Joe's drawer, take the ring in the sock, along with coins and cherished keepsakes...and out the window they started. Snowy (for an unexplained reason, perhaps a calling from a higher power), felt a calling within him, and jumped into the thieve's backpack and rode along.

Snowy listened to the thief's, as they discussed their plans.
"Looks like we do the coins first...them be easy", said one.
The other thug just replied, "Probably be better if we do the ring right before Christmas...everybody desperate, easy to fence something like that!"
They both laughed and left the run down motel room to go get something to eat...
Snowy was frustrated with what they did, something had to be done 
He went into action!

Climbing out of the back pack, he went to work on the jeweled filled sock.As he pulled and yanked on the darned sock which contained the ring, he realized just how big and heavy the ring was. It was heavier than him, as he labored, tugging it along the floor, he knew he was going to need some help. Looking out the window, he spotted a little park just across the street, and off he went.

Problem was, being a little white mouse with a cute pink nose in a park in New York City...not good! He immediately drew attention from a resident Blackbird, who immediately landed in front of him, eyeing him closely, threatening to eat him as he snapped at the little mouse.

"Hey little guy, you look like a nice little snack for a big hungry bird like me...amuse me for a sec as to how a cute little mouse like you ended up in a big old park like this?", said the Blackbird.

Snowy did not show fear, but stood up on his back legs for the first time in his life and simply said, "I cannot be your meal, a special diamond ring has been taken...a special Christmas ring for a Loved one, you must help me save it and bring it back!"

The Blackbird studied his perspective morsel for a second, and suddenly he felt emotion, the sincerity of the little Mouse's plea, and thought to himself, "The kids for real, let me see what's going on...I can always just eat him later...he ain't gotta chance with a big boy like me!"

The Blackbird clicked back, "Okay kid, where's this ring your talking about, what's the deal for me?"

Snowy was suddenly relieved that the bird wasn't going to make a snack out of him, as he responded, "It's in the Esquire Motel, Room 127, it's hanging out of a sock in the middle of the floor, it's too big for me to carry...but we must hurry!"

The Blackbird eyed him again, and clicked, "Well, I don't work for free, what's in it for me?"

Snowy just said, What do you want?"

The Blackbird responded, "Some of them nice Walnuts would be delicious, but I can't get them out of the tree!"

Snowy thought for a second, and saw a Squirrel busily going up and down an old Walnut tree. Snowy ran over, "Hey, Mister Squirrel, would you be nice enough to help me get a stolen Anniversary ring back...Mister Blackbird won't help without some nuts?"

"Name's Sammy, Sammy the Squirrel...that's what my Bro's call me...what the hell you talking about needing nuts for a ring?"
Sammy was stunned, never having seen a white mouse with a pink nose before, he thought he was seeing a ghost. Sammy just said, "Ah, are you for real, did you just fall out of Mouse heaven or something...what's your trip?"

Snowy just looked dejected, "Fine, don't help...you see over there, that Blackbird over there...he won't work without some Walnuts...he can't get them himself because he's just a big ass'ed bird that can't get in the trees!"

All of a sudden the Blackbird (listening the whole time), took offence, "Who said I got a big ass?"

Snowy snapped, "Look...I'm trying to get you some nuts here, work with me here, try to play along?

The Blackbird retorted, "Should have eaten you earlier and be done with you...but no, me and this weird guilt trip thing, you better not be making this up kid!"

"And why didn't you...because you have feelings, you have purpose, read into your Heart, cause you have been placed here, you have been called upon to serve a vital role in this time of crisis...as a strong living thing as yourself, you shall respond to a higher power, and you must submit!" said Snowy.

Snowy looked around the park and noticed about 20 Squirrels, 15 other Blackbirds, Sparrows, Lizards, and some pigeons who mistook Snowy for a pastry roll, just staring in complete silence.

Even Snowy was confused, he couldn't figure out where those words came from?
However, he did feel this emotion, almost like he was empowered, but why?

The restless Blackbird flapped over to where Snowy was standing.
"Had enough squeak out of you kid...little punk butt mouse...dinner be served!", said the Blackbird, as he grabbed Snowy by his tail, spinning him around in the air, and releasing him as he smacked into a tree. Snowy laid perfectly still, quite dazed. The Blackbird walked over to where he lay, going in for the kill, when off in the distance you could hear Sammy The Squirrel, "Hey you bully, you Blackbird bully...got your nuts ready...would you like for me to crack them for you, too?"

Blackbird stopped, looked around, seeing all the other wildlife in the park staring him down.
"What" he appealed, "Just trying to get a snack going here!"

An elderly Blackbird only known as "Southern" appeared and said, "I'm your Father...you probably don't remember me, I get around a lot, but look...it's Christmas...help out the mouse, your nuts will be waiting for you when you get back, don't make the old man peck your butt raw in front of your Buds..."

You could hear total silence in the park, as every living thing was focused on the Blackbird.
A fellow Blackbird simply said, "Do like the good book, Honor Thy Father!"

Blackbird paused a second, as Snowy started to come to, pulling the mouse up by his tail, looking straight into his eyes he said, "Okay kid, what you need from me?"

Snowy explained and just like that the two were flying back to the run down motel, with Snowy hanging by the tail of the Blackbirds beak. Snowy giving instructions to where the window opening was, showing the Blackbird the clustered diamond ring laying in the middle of the floor. The Blackbird eyed the ring, "Nice rock kid...come on let's skedaddle!"

And with that the bird took to the air, ring in the beak with Snowy clinging to his back, giving instructions to the bird where 43rd street was, and soon they were back at Joe's place, with just enough crack in the window for the two to safely get in!

Unfortunately, Joe had come much earlier and found the ring missing. He knew this was a tough area and getting ripped off was nothing unusual. However, he went down to the pawn shop. and finding nothing suitable, he considered a simple "I.O.U. I Love You" note which he placed in the original jewelry box and he would take care of things later.

But, by the time Snowy and the Blackbird had arrived, they realized that the gift box had been moved, they didn't know what to do. Suddenly Katy the Granddaughter appeared, catching both of them off guard, "Don't worry you two, I saw where Grandpa put the box!" And with that she took the anniversary ring that Blackbird brought, pulled the gift box from the drawer and placed the ring into the holder, closed the box and put it back. "Thanks...you guys, Grandma will be so excited!"

So, when Christmas morning came, Joe had just assumed that what had happened, had happened, nothing he could do about. His wife Claire had gotten him a tie and a gold chain for his retirement watch.

Joe had managed a gold purse which contained a $100 gift card to Ruth's Steak House, and of course the jewelry box with the I.O.U. in the place holder. The anticipation heightened for Katy, as she was the only one who knew the magic of what had happened.

Claire pulled out the purse, looked at it, then in it, finding the gift card and the jewelry box.
Joe started talking, not looking at her, but instead just looking at the Christmas tree, telling her that he really did have good intent, but something happened and he would make it up to her soon. 

When his eyes came back to her, he was amazed by her glowing smile, the sparkle in her eyes as she looked back at him, "You intended well, very well...thank you so much Dear...it's simply beautiful!" And with that she turned the gift box around, and there was the 25th anniversary ring.

Joe teared up, as did Katy, and of course Snowy and Blackbird who were witnessing this through the window outside in the cold.

So, in the end, the two thugs were found frozen to death in the bottom of an abandoned elevator shaft, the Blackbird received a foot long candy cane of trail mix, and the blessed Snowy got his own warm aquarium, complete with a water pond and running wheel in Katy's room.

Just remember, that good intentions, never go unspoken.
But then, for anything to really exceed in life...face it...timing is priceless!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

Mike And The Golden Bell

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

MIKE AND THE GOLDEN BELL

In the midst of the morning, he would begin to ring;

                               Customers coming to shops, trying to find the right thing!                            

It was Mike the bell ringer's job, to show that someone cared:

 For those who didn't have anything, it was something that everyone shared...

But, his numbers were dreadful on intake, other Ringer's passed him each day;

If he didn't produce, he'd get the caboose, his position would dry up like clay!

He even questioned the way he looked, his demeanor was up to par;

Always took a nice shower in the morning, tried to stay away from the bar..."

Then a kid walked up one day, how do you do this with just one bell?

Wasn't sure of the angle, he was trying to wrangle, or what he was trying to sell!

But, he thought about it for a moment, his Tympani was brash...unpure;

How could he get more coins in the kettle, how could he be for sure?

So, he went down to the 5 and dime, had a good look around;

Looking for something...anything...that would make a different sound!

And there upon a shelf...almost hidden, he saw this one lone Golden Bell;

They wanted two dollars and a quarter, they quickly made the sell!

The next day he brought it with him, encased in a darkened bag;

To keep the bell quiet as he traveled along, he stuffed the inside with a rag.

When they set up his post, just like with most, they gave him the customary bell;

It was small, made a tingle, when you gave it a jingle, it served it's constituents well!"

When his Golden Bell sang, with great harmonic clang, the shopper's were jumping with joy;

His donations grew thickly, as the crowds grew thickly, smiles from each girl and boy!

So, he kept the routine, until an official heard the Golden Bell sound;

Mike just shook his head, Christmas is not dead, just getting new folks to come around!

So, in the future, as Charities grow, different concepts with updated game;

You can thank Mike, for bell that you liked...

Nothing ever quite stays the same!

Merry Christmas

Little Angel Of Perfect Pitch

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

LITTLE ANGEL OF PERFECT PITCH

Within the harmonic balance of the Church Of Perpetual Persistence, there was a calling of a little angel named Sarah to sing in the Christmas choir.

The emotions were still fresh within her, as her recent tragedy had sent her spirit to this place so unexpectedly!

Although warm and inviting, she still couldn't understand the series of events that lead her here...she questioned why God had called her up so early?

The only thing that made sense was a missing voice in the Soprano section, there was to be only one available voice that fitted the missing serenade...and it was her, although she admittedly lacked the key element...Perfect Pitch! 

The conductor of the choir, Sister Mary had yet to witness the yet to be tested Sarah for the part. Being summoned, Sarah stood forth on the podium with only a worn piece of sheet music wrapped in a classic silver frame.

She cleared her voice, then attempted the first stanza, "Oh, come all ye faithful, joyous..."

Sister Mary immediately swatted her baton, making a most deafening crack, "No, no, no Sarah...your voice is so pretty, but yet so off key, you need to find your Perfect Pitch...my girl, will you be so good to work on that?

Sarah teared up up for a second, knowing that Sister Mary was right, she demanded perfection, after all...what was the purpose of her being there if she couldn't perform?

So, she went to the required classes at Angel School. It was a mandatory that she learn to bond with living souls on the Earth below, to help in times of trouble, to guide them toward their purpose.

Sister Mary was disappointed and frustrated with the audition with the audition given by her her youngest study, with the hopes of bringing to God the perfect choir, the Angelic Sound!

She went before the Board of Parishioners to plead her case, "I see no point in keeping this child at this level of propriety", she implored, "We need to send her back to the lower regions where she can at least be of service to the common folk...she absolutely has no place here!"

The Parishioners talked among'st themselves, then spoke...

"Sister Mary, of who we bespeak, on the belief's of one's purposeful existence, we must ask you to refrain from chastising such a young soul who has just begun her journey toward the truth!"

Sister Mary pondered their statements, then contended that some time should be spent with the child...with the original chorus, the Chorus Of Nature! The parishioners agreed...

And so, began the relationship between Sarah and God's creatures.

At first, it was the "Coo" of a Dove, the ranging variables of the Whippoorwill, and the "Clicks and Haws" of the Grackle.

Sarah reached out and harmonized with each, taking time to gently stroke their feathers, finishing out the phrases as each creature would mysteriously appear and then vanish when the lesson had been learned. "Most assuredly", she thought, "They were busy and had other's to teach, to learn of their wisdom, and their Perfect Pitch to harmonic phrase!"

The day had come and no one seemed to know where Sarah was, but she soon appeared from under the over growth of the Willows hanging over the back of the Convent.
She walked up the back steps of the Cathedral wearing a perfect white dress with a flowering train of rose pedals.

Her smile beckoned others to smile back as she asserted her presence with a gentle wave to all that looked at her. Her wings, although small...glistened in the early morning sun which shown through the floras of etched glass.

Sister Mary was completely caught off guard, not really knowing what to think. She simply clapped as Sarah confidently took her seat in the Soprano section of the choir box. She was handed a framed copy of the first piece, embroidered in silver markings.

Sister Mary graciously bowed to the followers, the Parishioners, and then to the Cross.
Tapping the baton, off into the distance...one could hear the "Coo" of a lone Dove...it was for Sarah...middle "C", Perfect Pitch!

As the organ played out the first elements of the stanza, the choir came to life.

"Hark, The Herald Angels Sing, Glory To The New Born King"

Peace On Earth, And Mercy Mild, God And Sinner's Reconciled!"

And the harmony was perfect, with the Timpani in transgressing timelessly with each voice pure, yet only one could be heard, be distinguished above the rest! 

And then...Sarah stood up by herself singing, "Glo....oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ,oh oh, oh oh,oh, oh, oh , oh, Glory!"

Sister Mary had a lone tear to her eye, as she bared witness to the performance before her...and she was so proud...so very proud of what Sarah had become!

In Perfect Pitch, the choir joined in as you could clearly hear Sarah's voice above all others. Her output and clarity clearly focused, as her voice aggregated and permeated the congregation before her.

For she had trusted in herself, the wisdom of God's creatures, and the commitment to her purpose...her Love for Christ.

God smiled from above, he was pleased!

Merry Christmas

Kirk Carter

SoHo, New York

Rudolpho, The Jewish Reindeer

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

Rudolpho, The Jewish Reindeer

It was getting close to the big day and Santa and the Elves were busy repackaging toys that were coming in daily from China.

Word got out that an over-confidant Rudolph had just come back from a 2 week binge over in Saint Martin, and was pretty strung out from all the K-2 and Ty-Stick he'd been smoking.

What normally should have been a bright luminant nose, now did't carry the brilliance of a night light! Not even enough power to cast his own shadow. Santa became concerned and decided to confront Rudolph about the situation.

"Come here Rudolph, Santa needs to speak to you a second."

"Sure Santa, what's popping...look, if this is about that kid I hit last year with that loose Deer turd, it was just an accident...won't happen again, too many Reese's Pieces and not enough Granola...learned my lesson there!"

Santa chuckled,  "Well, other than permanent blindness in one eye, and what was left of his damaged face, Santa was able to work out an equitable settlement of 20 shares of Berkshire-Hathaway to the family trust...they seemed pleased by the offer considering he was just a refugee from Detroit...things so bad up there, they're resorting to just giving their children away!

Rudolph replied, "Yea, that's tough Love man, so what's this about, I need to crash for a while...been on a 14 day bender down in Saint Martin?"

Santa said, "Yes...and you can tell, too...your nose seems to be missing it's usual brilliance..."

Rudolph snapped back, ""Oh, it will be back to normal in no time. A couple of Florine injections into the 'ol snazoola, a couple of B-12 shots into the bumpkin, couple of pops of Red Bull, and I will be as good as new!"

Santa, being an old skeptic, slammed down his last swig of Maker's Mark and blurted, "Are you absolutely sure about this Rudolph...because I'm depending on you to get me around the world in record time...dealing with a pesky jet stream, smog in Beijing, the radioactive dust cloud in Japan, and the municipality of Cleveland."

Rudolph retorted, "What is it about Cleveland?" 

Santa responded, ""Nothing really, but anything shiny and bright is an improvement, and let's face it...with the Brown's once again not doing much on the production side, they're grateful for anything at this point!"

A week had passed and it was the night of the big dance.

Rudolph showed up with red eyes, a staggered walk, and chipped horns (signs of a definite vitamin deficiency).

Santa immediately intervened as Rudolph was entering the fitting room, 

"Hey Rudolph, get your butt over here man...look, there will be no leading my Reindeer team this year, I've already found a replacement and he is going to lead tonight's run!"

Rudolph looked floored and thoroughly spent, "Your kidding right, your going to let a Jew lead your team...I already heard about him from the Elves...everybody just Loves Rudolpho...Deer Crap!"

Santa retorted, "Well, quite frankly, he is a strapping Lad, with good credentials and a great credit rating...even got me a 10% percent discount on my sleigh insurance!"

Rudolph flipped him an antler and stammered off feeling dejected and without purpose.

Then suddenly, like a curtain call in a Vaudeville act...there he was...Rudolpho, The Jewish Reindeer! With a perfect coat of fur, a golden mane with silver accents, a silver hoof ring, and and a full rack of antlers that looked like a Midora, complete with 9 FAA approved long throw spot lights which they say, when turned on, can actually be seen from the moon!

The Doe's gathered around him, bringing him hot chocolate, clamoring for an autographed      8 x 10 picture of himself which he personally hoofed, as the Elves layed them on the ground in front of him. Rudolpho indeed had his fan base completely at his beck and call.

The only friend Rudolph seemed to have was a lonely saddened Pink Elephant left over from the Island Of Misfits.
Rudolph sighed, "Look at him...so perfect, strong, and full of life, what am I?"

The Pink Elephant looked up solemnly and said, "Your my hero...for years you lead the team...we were all so proud of you...eh, so your having an off year...don't worry about it...         it happens!"

So, that evening, Santa had all the reindeer all hooked up with Rudolpho's 9 long throw spot lights switched on, nearly blinding the Elves as his head went back and forth.

Santa made the call to proceed, with a "Mush!"
Rudolpho turned his head, "Mush, that's the best you can do...no really Mush?"

Santa looked concerned that Rudolpho was questioning his authority, that all this fame and glitz had went to the proud Deer's brain...that he was better than them...but it was Christmas Eve and time was a wasting, so Santa just started throwing out random suggestions, like "Skadaddle", "Boogie", "Into The Air With You", and the Elves favorite, "If you don't get your butt moving, we will be enjoying some good Jewish venison!"

With that, Rodolpho finally took to the air, climbing almost vertical, higher, and even higher. Getting above 20 thousand feet, the Reindeer were gasping for air, Santa was trying to work the oxygen tank but it's valves had already frozen over.

Rudolpho, who had climbed Everest and K-2 several times had amazing lung capacity, didn't bother looking behind him even once to see how the rest were doing...not well!

With Santa passed out, and the Reindeer literally being dragged by their harnesses by this over-zealous, bigger than life, force of Christmas spirit...Rudolpho had managed to turn over the sleigh several times, even setting off early warning signals from missile defense systems below.

Turns out, most of the Christian toys ended up in Syria.
A hidden bag of Dredals that Rudolpho was going to drop in Tel Aviv ended up in North Korea, and Santa was found in a Coast Guard inner-tube on a rice paddy in Vietnam.

After the dust had settled, during a two week internal investigation by the board of International Christmas Affairs, it was found that Rudolpho tested positive for steroids, worked undercover for a Chinese toy manufacturer, and that his real was a she, Coren Lee, who was really a transsexual in post-op!

The next year Rudolph got his old job back, with back pay, and his own personal rutting tree. The paperwork finally cleared and Rudolph officially adopted the misfit Pink Elephant.

So, what have we just learned?

"No benders before Christmas, not even a little one."
"You Are What You Eat!"
And even if your having a bad night...don't ever mess with tradition!

Merry Christmas

Kirk Carter

SoHo, New York

Turkey Trot Legacy

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

TURKEY TROT LEGACY

The Turkey's got a tip, they were taking a Thursday trip;

To a place that was hot...during a winter that was not!

Told to stuff some food away,  for their long extended stay;

The Turkeys got all excited, when they found they were all invited.

But someone put out the call, no resort called "Butterball";

So they schemed up a plan, to all disband...instigated by some Turkey named Paul!

The eve before they left, lined up for the buses in the parking lot;

Paul the Turk, being on alert gobbled, "Everybody Turkey Trot!"

Well, you never saw so much commotion, as Turkeys ran near then far;

A few of them ended up in the forest, many died at the fate of a car.

But soon things settled as showers fell open wide;

Turkeys just stared up, open beaks as a cup, most of them drowned and died!

So, the legacy of the Turkey Trot holds true;

For you bird Lovers, don't start to cry.

For some escape the table,  for the shade of a Maple...

Remember, Turkeys never did learn how to fly!

                                                 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

Disclosure

Kirk carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

DISCLOSURE

When talking of a legal brief, disclosure is usually saved for pages 12 or 13, somewhere in the back. There's always that perception of propriety of an issue...this is what they are saying... when in reality, this is what it really means!

Like when your buying a house, only to find in the disclosure that 15 people were mysteriously found murdered in the basement by an extra-terrestrial hyper-dimensional distant alien race! 

Damn it, again? Irregardless, Realtor's hate having to bring that up at the last moment before closing.

All things have disclosure, where something you see appears to be a person eating a piece of human excrement, when in reality it's delicious chocolate frosting. It's common place in the film business all the time. But it is your illusion, it's their disclosure, the image that turns people negative does it's job, advantage discloser!

Finding out that someone lip synced a concert that you just paid $250 a ticket to see is a good for instance. After your thoroughly disgusted, you can revert back to reality and say, "Hey, nobody lip syncs like she did...because compromise is all you have to save your humility...

The other day, I was eating at the NBC Commissary at Rockefeller Center here in New York.

This is a place where the suits, the producers, directors, writers, techs, artist, and actors all converge, all with different taste and appetites. This particular meal was stew, not sure what it was called, but it had cubed meat which had been micro-sliced. Looked like beef, but I recognized the distinct flavor and texture as Lamb. And so, while everyone was chowing down, I just mentioned, "Hey, great Lamb!"

I might as well have said that I found a rat in my stew, as nearly 75% of the patrons stopped eating and just looked horrified. Many finished the vegetables, some ate around the meat, and others just got up and left in disgust.

Perception, imagery, disclosure...sometimes it's best not to know.

Hmm...never did tell them about that rat I found! 

                                                                                                                 Kirk Carter

                                                                                                                 Soho, New York City

Triacs (31) Finding Purpose

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

TRIACS (31)

Finding Purpose

EPILOGUE

(2 Years Later)

After recovering original schematics and assembly data from confiscated computers, it was

 decided by officials to let Siemens go ahead and build some modified high power Triacs, for

                research and study. Finding that the three harmonic frequencies were useful                                                                                                                                                                                in scattering large

 areas of Hydrogen molecules, the Department of Defense decided to turn the project over to

 the Department Of The Interior for testing, development, and field study. 

By doing some careful modifications, they constructed a movable beam antenna for the high

 band (microwave region) for spot area focusing. Engineers found out that it was excellent for

 putting out forest fires in dense rugged terrain.

The original Triac design by the late Doctor Broach found purpose by being the first line of 

defense in protecting our nations forest and national parks.

The End

Kirk Carter

Chew Bear Productions

Burbank, Ca

Copyright 9/21/2014 

Battle Of The Triacs (30)

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

TRIACS (30)

Battle Of The Triacs

Int: FBI Central Headquarters-Los Angeles-Saturday A.M.

Agent Ellison and Crum looking over some crossbows brought in by special weapons expert Agent Brut Bentley from England. 

Agent Bentley (heavy English accent)

"Well...yes, as you can see here just a standard Crossman main issue, very common in the states you see, that although it will only shoot one arrow at a time, a bit shall we say toward your target as lob if you will, quite effective even though the product itself is barely of hunting grade, will hold relatively true to about 40 pounds of pull!"

Agent Crum

"So these devices are the answer to getting close and making a take down?

Bentley

"Most assuredly, this will create complete chaos for the fugitive on the attack, as they will be completely defenseless against the distance, power, and the sheer accuracy of this old but steady device for taking down one's prey from a safe distance...a mere slingshot would never do!"

Agent Ellison

"I like the idea and the concept, but would we be limited to one shot...looks like reloading the cabling would be somewhat of a chore...is that correct?"

Bentley

But the intelligence we are getting from the Korean authorities is that tycoon Ken Ron will be arriving at Bob Hope airport in Burbank at approximately 10 a.m. We have to move quickly and be in place as we have an arrest warrant for him, too!

Ellison

"Well, if we have everything we need, let's go get set up...who else is in on this?"


Bentley

"Currently, because of the sensitivity of this ordeal, no other agency's have been briefed nor informed...you will strictly be bidding amongst yourselves so to say!"


Agent Crum

"Well, all's the better in this case, cause I don't need any stray officer getting in the way of those signals, the Sheriff's department is still dealing with those who fell for no other reason than their lack of information...so sad!"


Bentley

"That's so true...however, shall we get a move on, we only have two hours here before the plane arrives...shall we?"


(Scene Switch)


Ent: Jerry's Condo

Jerry and Jennifer have both taken their showers and ate a light breakfast, now making last minute preparations for the airport.


Jennifer

"I can't believe my Father never emailed those specifications and schematics...even if they were fudged with a bit."

She calls on Jerry's phone, but all she gets is his voicemail


Jerry

"Yea, this will be a big load off your back, if you can make this deal fly!"


Jennifer

"Yea, it's a bit nerve wracking, but it's all about the anticipation, like New Year's...and before you know it, your going home for a while...nothing new..."


Jerry

"Well, come on...let's take the freight elevator in the back, drops right down from my car."


Jennifer

"How do I look (wearing blue skirt and heels)?"


Jerry

"Like every man's dream...then again, you'd look hot in a potato sack, hey...who's the comedian here?"


Jennifer

"I worry about you Jerry, no really...like you have air pockets in your brain, nothing but space!"


Jerry

"Getting dropped on my head was not a good way to start, but I don't think it got any worse?"


                                      Jennifer                                         

"But, it's not getting any better either!"



(Scene Switch)


FBI Agents pull into back entrance with crossbows in tow. They start setting up on one side as Ken Ron's jet is just starting it's descent into L.A. county. He's sitting at the little office table in the back of the jet just staring at his Bank Of America International check made out for $5 million dollars for Jennifer. His co-pilot We Huon makes commit.

"You know Ken Ron, this device, this will make you most powerful man...you ever consider consequences?"


Ken Ron

"Everything I perform and do has consequence, I like test study, lab rat...always reaching out, getting myself into things I never perceive before, but that passion has made me very wealthy, must keep good fortune in check and not just sit and watch world pass, too quickly we blink and miss opportunity...this will be that day to show world that Ken Ron will collect on many who waited too long, and now must kneel to Ken Ron, all good things achieved by no hesitation!" 


We Huon

"I have always envied, very amazed at how you connect the deal with total strangers...it would scare me to do that, to place so much money into energy like that...but for you, just common place, another deal struck, another deal completed. I honor you Ken Ron!"

Plane makes finally lock onto glide path and is coming into Bob Hope-Burbank


(Scene Switch)


Jerry and Jennifer just arriving at Bob Hope airport.


Jennifer

"What I need you to do is pull over to the side of the freight gate by the Executive terminal, have you been there before?"


Jerry

"Yea, bunch of times, that's where I pick up my paintings and stuff!"


Jennifer

"Well, whatever you do, just wait...this won't take long..."


Jerry

"You sure your not going in there and start talking about the good times with this dude, maybe a congratulatory beating or something?"


Jennifer

"I don't think we have time for that, he's into...shall we say candles, like hot wax and prolonged drip-drip of the candle, very prolonged, bores the crap out of me!"


Jerry

So why put up with it?"


Jennifer

"Ten large an hour overcomes my disgust, I deal with it...but I do make him bring his own candles...guy is so pathetic, but I Love him!"


Jerry

"Gees, sorry I asked!"


(Scene Switch)


Int: Doctor Broach's House


Broach to Wife

"Dog gone it, can't believe I overslept, completely forgot to send those schematics to Jenn!"


Ms. Broach

"Have been meaning to tell you that two gentlemen from the FBI came over the other day looking for you?"


Broach

"What in the hell did they want?"


Ms. Broach

"I don't know...connections, kind of vague really...I mean, I told them where to find you, so if they didn't follow up that's their problem..."


Broach, now suspicious and a little paranoid, goes to safe and retrieves other duplicate Triac, talking to himself,

"Never can be too careful...if I'm going down, I'm taking a few with me!"


Ms. Broach

"Where are you off to this morning Dear?"


Broach

"Oh, just some office runs, I'll be back before lunch...thought you might like to do a nice brunch over at the square?"


Ms. Broach

"Sounds wonderful, your so thoughtful..."


Giving her a kiss, he takes diagrams and the duplicate Triac with him, drives to the airport.


(Scene Switch)


Agent Ellison and Euro Agent Bentley are behind a row of cargo boxes watching Ron Jon's Grumman pulling up to the parking slot. 


Ellison

"Now remember, if they don't submit, then we take a shot!"


Bentley

"Precisely, try to hit a thigh, some part of the leg, we don't need to kill the poor chap!"


Agent Crum on radio

"Hey Ellison...just out of curiosity, but why am I over here by myself?"


Ellison on radio

Because you didn't shower this morning, excessive body odor...in a word, you stink!"


Crum

"No, really, what's the point?"


Bentley on radio

"My good boy, we have only 2 crossbows, hence two arrows which calculates into only two shots...by placing you down range, you become the back-up to a possible misfire!"


Crum

"Thanks for your intellectual viewpoints Bentley, your quite proper with your excuses...you could at least give me someone to talk to, I'm bored over here..."


Bentley

"Sorry chap, body odor speaks for itself, you must squat in your own drool I afraid!"


Crum

"Okay, both of you just stop it!"

Talking to himself

"English Asshole!"


(Scene Switch)

Jennifer and Jerry pull to the side of the freight gate. Official of Airport Security notices Jerry's "out of place" BMW and calls in suspicious car to patrols. Suddenly, all binoculars focused on BMW, not knowing the FBI is even on site.


(Scene Switch)


"Grumman comes to stop. Crew unlocks door and pulls step-ramp toward door of plane. Ron Jon waits for all clear. Jennifer watches for Ron Jon. She decides to call him on his phone.


Jennifer

"Ron Jon, you moving out or am I moving in...what?"


Ron Jon

"Bring device to entrance, I not feel safe leaving perimeter, the plain safe, you not enter, you not see me, not bring candles, my assistant bring check, we clear?"


Jennifer"Give me a second, I've got this thing stuck in my boobs, let me wrap it up in something."

Wrapping the Triac up in a scarf, she exits car, walking over to gate.

(Scene Switch)


Airport Security Chief gives order to have Jennifer detained. She see's officer's approaching, reaching under scarf preparing to energize Triac.

(Scene Switch)


Doctor Broach arrives with schematics and the duplicate Triac in coat pocket, see's Jennifer at gate, start's to walk over, not seeing approaching officers from the other side of the fence.

(Scene Switch)


Agent Bentley sets up shot and takes aim at Jennifer's lower body through scope.

(Scene Switch)


Agent Crum takes aim at Doctor Broach. Unforeseen by Crum, another group of officers from the L.A. Sheriff's department, flagged in by Cheif Security and approach Broach.

(Scene Switch)


Seeing what's occuring from inside of Grumman, Ron Jon goes further back into jet and takes his AK-47 and holds it, unlocking safety and securing banana clip.

(Scene Switch)


Officer orders Jennifer to put her hands up. Not saying anything she reverses back to Jerry's BMW, where Bentley shoots crossbow hitting her in the leg. As she falls to her knees, she activates Triac, airport officers with guns aimed at her, blow up in their hands and face.

(Scene Switch)


Doctor Broach activates his Triac as officer's from the Sheriff's Department also are killed instantly when their guns blow up. As he starts to back-track, Agent Crum shoots arrow hitting Broach in the buttocks, where he falls to the ground, active Triac still in hand.

(Scene Switch)


Ron Jon's AK-47 picks up patterns of Triacs and machine gun explodes in his hands, setting off extra clips along with some packages of C-4 explosives, blowing the whole jet up along with a near-by refueling truck. 

(Scene Switch)

As Jennifer crawls, struggling to get back to Jerry's BMW, her Triac cross-patterns and starts to feedback with Broach's Triac, causing both devices to both explode at the same time, killing Jennifer and Broach. Jerry takes off in BMW, but officer shoots through front window killing him too, when he refuses to stop.

(Scene Switch)


Bentley and Ellison stand up from behind cargo containers, looking at carnage, shaking their heads.


(Two Hours Later)


Ellison looking at report

"Well, the preliminary shows 15 dead, including Jennifer, Broach, some dude friend of her's name Jerry Brown, and of course the world smuggler Ron Jon."


Bentley

By George, good show...seems to me, the crisis has taken care of itself despite the poor chaps who were sacrificed in the Malay...such a terrible loss!"


Crum

"That was a 30 million dollar jet that went up, too...crazy stuff!"


Ellison

"Well, the Triacs are officially off the table...kind of looks like the designs, too...this case sort of closed itself!


Crum

"Care to go get a brewsky while we wait for the reports to get finalized, I'm not feeling funny right now, but I will try to be happy that all this is over with!"


Bentley

"You chaps do a toddy for a closed case like this?"


Crum

"We do a toddy before, during, and after...it's a..."


Ellison

"It's tribute to work well executed, work well done, we are Agents of the Bureau, we are...


Bentley

"Your all bloody crazy, out of your minds I'd say...professionals for sure, but men just gave their lives here today, and all you want to do is celebrate your case being closed?"


Ellison

"Yes Bentley...sad but true!"


Bentley

"Well, for bloody goodness, let's get to the pub, immediately, race to the pints I will!"


Ellison

"We've turned him into a mad man..."


Crum

"We'll never be able to get him back to England now!" 


Bentley

"Nor would I want to young man...you men need assistance, guidance, courage...I'll show you the tricks of Scotland Yard till I go to my grave I will...


Crum

"Looks like we have a new drinking buddy!"


Ellison

"Pull up a chair, my old chap!"


Everybody Laughing




(Scene Close)

Triacs (29) Ice Lady

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2014

TRIACS (29)

Ice Lady

Int: Jerry's Condo P.M.  Jennifer is satisfying her part of the deal by flogging a tied up Jerry with a singletail whip.

Jennifer

"Just like old times, huh Jerry?"

As she delivers several pops to his buttocks

Jerry

"Yes Mistress, I can't tell you how much I missed your corrections

(another lash)

Jennifer

"And?"

Jerry

"Needed discipline..."

Jennifer

"Missing a key component here, don't piss Mistress off now?"

Jerry

"Ah servitude...worship, ah, ah total submission?"

(another set of lashes)

Jennifer

"All right...close enough...my arm is getting tired!"

(As she unties his hands from the rafters)

Jerry

"Oh Mistress, I have missed you so much...that really brought me back..."

Jennifer

"Yea, Mistress is a bit out of shape...forgot how freaking heavy that whip is...it's a lot of work flogging that thing!"

Jerry

"Well, I couldn't tell any difference, it still hurt like hell!"

Jennifer

Well good...I'm glad your all scarred and happy now...hey, mind if I use your phone?"

Jerry

"Not the land line, here I've got my new Apple, just picked it up...it's a pretty safe bet nobody hear you talking on this thing."

Jennifer

"What makes it so special?"

Jerry

"it's an Apple 6, it's encrypted, even the Feds can't get into it!"

Jennifer calling her Korean Love Slave, Ken Ron Do.

Jennifer

"Yes, this is Ice Lady United States, Los Angeles look for Ken Ron, he there?"

Ken Ron getting on phone

"Hello, Mean Lady, you hard to find...move around very much, anything on the table?"

Jennifer

"And thanks for the warm welcome, too...look I have the device up for grabs!"

Ken Ron

"The Triac...really?"

Jennifer

"Yea, but many lives were lost, taken forever, so I take you for 5000 large if you wish to own it?"

Ken Ron

But 10 mill has been lost from syndicate, they not happy with you...now you try double-dip!"

Jennifer

"I never received that money, I have no idea where it went or even if it actually existed..."

Ken Ron

"You slick and evil lady, I think you lie again!"

Jennifer

It doesn't matter, the past is the past, water under the bridge, I want 5 for the device, interested or not?"

Ken Ron

"Yes and no, but you don't honor agreement, seems buyer always end up in body bag, how do I trust this time?"

Jennifer

You must believe in second chances, you must try me again...the police are all over me, have to leave country soon, like again!"

Ken Ron

Again...nothing new, like girl of the world. what about mad Doctor, he know what you about?"

Jennifer

"Oh Dad, he just better keep himself in line or we're going to have a little session, and I'm not going to be very nice, so what's it gonna be?"

Ken Ron

"How long till offer close, can be in L.A. in morning, you wait?"

Jennifer

"Yea, that's perfect, anything else?"

Ken Ron

"Diagrams, schematics, data results, for replication, must have specs, okay?"

Jennifer

"Let me call the Doc, he can get you all that."

Ken Ron

"Where we meet?"

Jennifer

"You taking Grumman?"


Ken Ron

"Of course, my most happy joy!"


Jennifer

"Do Bob Hope airport Burbank, can you do 9 a.m.?"


Ken Ron

Better at 10, not so much clutter...eh I call you, be there no?"


Jennifer

"Yea call, this number, I'll be there, yes...and don't forget your BOA checkbook, the international one!"


Ken Ron

"Bye mean lady..."


Jennifer

"Stop that, it's Ice Lady, Ice Lady, you hear?"


Ken Ron

"You still mean!"


Jennifer

"Well, that's true, why fight the truth...I'm a bitchful, see you in the morning, bye.


Jennifer immediately pushes new number to Doctor Broach's phone.


Jennifer

"Hello Daddy!"


Broach

"Hello girl, haven't heard from you in a while, saw all your pretty pictures on the news, you got them damn cops flying around like Hornets...so what's up?"


Jennifer

"Got a buyer for...you know...the thing!"


Broach

"I told you it would all work out, who's the lucky taker, we did get what we wanted right?"


Jennifer

Got 10, and he is own his way over in the morning, but I need a favor?"


Broach

"What could that be?"


Jennifer

"Need the research stats, specs, diagrams...they want to replicate."


Broach

"No can do young lady...you know I can't release this data, it's classified. it would give me away!"


Jennifer

"Well...just make something up, maybe send me a circuit for a microwave oven or something...by the time they figure out, I'll be long gone!"


Broach

"Yea, but what about me, they'll hold my ass as hostage over this one?"


Jennifer

You do want me happy, don't you Daddy...after all, your getting too old anyway?"


Broach

"okay, let me see if I can dig something convincing up, give me about an hour!"


Jennifer

"That's a good boy, just fax it to this number understand?"


Broach

""Okay dear, look...you be careful, Mother sends her Love...good luck!"


Jennifer

"Always Daddy...always...bye!"


Pushing phone off, she turns to Jerry

"Hey, would you mind playing chauffeur to the airport in the morning, it won't take long?"


Jerry

"Hell no, I'm not getting caught up in your little conspiracies or what ever it is your doing!"


Jennifer

"Would a nice tip perk you up?"


Jerry

"Look, it's bad enough I've got you here, I know were 12 floors up, but at least I can keep my eye on things."


Jennifer

How about if I give you 5 grand for your troubles?"


Jerry

"Make it 10, do I hear 10...going once going..."


Jennifer

"10!"


Jerry

"Deal sealed, Ice Lady get a chauffeur...all right!

(giving each other a brief hug)



(Scene Closed)