Birthday Card To Me

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear productions@ Copyright 2015

Birthday Card To Me

Well, here it is my birthday;

Age'd a year once again.

And although I question why I'm still here;

It might have something to do with this pen.

So delirious is the calling, remembering the falling,

total weakness, so appalling...

But now, I'm focus straight, no debate,

No crumbs on my plate.

But, for all of you that know me, I have all of you to thank;

Cause even when things looked hopeless,

You pulled me out of the tank!

Looks silly now when you think about it, letting myself get so low;

But my Guardian Angels surrounded me...they know!

So, bless all of you for believing, as you see;

I'm older and wiser, this Birthday Card To Me!

Bless All Of You...

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

Stevie Ray And The Bear

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2015

Stevie Ray And The Bear

Although my stint with House Of Blues in Las Vegas (about 4 years) was was short lived.

I was able to move from Audio Tech #1 to Floor Manager in short time. 

Got a chance to meet the greats and some not so, but they all just came there to pluck their strings and do the music thing, everyone seemingly on their own voyage through the world of entertaining the masses. Like I have always said, when it's all said and done, no matter how great your talents or abilities are, you can't take it with you, and you become just another of the great talents who are no longer with us any more!

One of the dudes I was lucky enough to work with, that being 3 times in three years was

 Stevie Ray Vaughn. Super gifted and ego driven, he seemed suspect for an early demise. It was almost like he had achieved an immense ability which seemed to piss off those who had passed and went to the light.

Point being, is that you have to generate your fame and influence at certain variables. Take for instance myself...I generate all my thoughts, outlines, and writings from the dozens who traffic their ideas through me. These are people that have long passed on and use me as their personal convent. My talent can be respected, but I would be the first person to tell you, I have no idea who's writing this stuff half the time!

Please note that Stevie left me a nice tip and we actually had lunch together on my third year as he past through the doors for the last time. I was the floor manager and he was pushing the envelope as so many in his business do. Please note on the following downloads how he orchestrates "Tightrope" with the "Tube Screamer" i.e. (Jimi Hendrix, Carlos Santana, Robin Trower)), and look how he actually smokes Jimi in his rendition of "Voodoo Child"...gives me goosebumps watching him literally reach down and work the flanger with his hands. Top stuff!

In any case, I originate on my own merits, but you as the reader have already been informed...I'm just reading from the light! 

Happy Birthday Kat-2015

Kirk Carter@ 2015

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAT

To the most special girl I know;

Who dared to care, always there to show!

Of times when things, were ruff...kinda tuff...

You brought me back, Kirk...you've had enough!

And through worshiped tears, as Loved one's moved toward the light;

Kat was there, all huggy and bright!

So, as we tag one more, showing our age once again;

Please know how much I Love you, sweet emotions as I pen...

And as your brother, you have no other,

than the special crew who bless you;

For everything you do, so damn proud of you!

So, smile and give yourself a pat;

Wishing you all the best, Happy Birthday Kat!

All My Love, Kirk

Compassion In Fashion

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2015

COMPASSION IN FASHION

Compassion, seems so out of fashion;

With precarious flare, do we dare, does one care, full circle...we share!

Think it worthless to show purpose, in a troubled time;

After all, it's your life...your dime?

Maybe a simple prayer, be silent...who knows;

Of what the stress has taken, it shows.

And before you forgive compassion's rule;

Look at the creative school...

Of emotions in disarray;

It's one thing to be something, glowing like a pumpkin;

It's the price of being different, your way!

So the focus look, like water in a brook;

It's distance close but running by;

Compassion is not out of fashion, showing your feelings to and fro;

For those just getting by!

Efforts toward perfection, the infection of those who fail to quit;

Be loyal to your loved ones, see the reality of ageing, do not give up and sit...

Not anyone is perfect, yet some closer than most;

Give them credit for doing so well, so high on the post...

But, for most we fail and try again, humans bound back once more;

And just when you think you got it, something came up and shot it...

Once again finding yourself on the floor!

Other be watching your movement, through variable plause;

As you get to your feet, claiming no defeat;

 You are the contender of cause...

So, feel the emotion, the potion of care, as one defy's certain doom;

It's the coding of compassion, that should always be in fashion;

Facts first...don't always assume!

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

Fish Grabber

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2015

Acct. Script copy 51614

Client: Ramco

FISH GRABBER

HEY FISHERMEN, SICK AND TIRED OF MESSY WORMS, CRICKETS THAT WON'T  STAY ON THE HOOK, AND HUMMING ARTIFICIAL LURES INTO THE WATER TILL YOUR ARMS FALL OFF?

HOLD ON!

NOW THERE'S "FISH GRABBER", A SPECIALLY DESIGNED COMPUTER CONTROLLED FISH SEEKER, WHICH HUNTS DOWN YOUR FISH AUTOMATICALLY!

REMEMBER THOSE DAYS OF BRINGING CLUNKY RIFLES TO YOUR FAVORITE FISHING HOLE, JUST TO WASTE AMMUNITION AND BE ARRESTED BY THE COPS?

AMMUNITION IS EXPENSIVE AND NOISY, AND LET'S FACE IT, (UNLESS YOU LIVE IN TEXAS, WHERE IF YOU FIND IT MOVING, YOU CAN LEGALLY JUST KILL IT), INCARCERATION JUST RUINS THE DAY...FOR A FISH DINNER, REALLY?

 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF BINGE DRINKING, FIRE ARMS ARE THE LAST THING YOU NEED TO BE CARRYING AROUND. FISH DON'T STAY STILL IN THE WATER, ALL THAT CONSTANT MOVING AROUND DRIVES MOST OF US NUTS! HOW ARE YOU GUARANTEED ANYTHING TO EAT IF YOUR NOT ANY GOOD AT SHOOTING THINGS THAT AREN'T GOING TO STAY STILL?

NOT TO WORRY!

SIMPLY CAST THE POWERED "FISH GRABBER" CARTRIDGE IN TO THE WATER AS YOU WOULD A USUAL LURE...AND WITHIN SECONDS IT'S SPECIAL IR SENSORS SEEK OUT THE CLOSEST FISH, AND THE CHASE IS ON!

IT'S TWIN ELECTRIC TURBO WARP SYSTEM COMES TO LIFE (POWERED BY CESIUM RADIOACTIVE PELLETS) IT CAN EASILY ACHIEVE 180 MILES PER HOUR... AND IN MERE SECONDS IT CLOSES IN ON IT'S PREY, PROVIDING THE SELECTED FISH WITH TOTALLY NO CHANCE OF ESCAPING.

WATCH PAPA CHUCKLE AS HE OPENS THE REEL, WHILE THE "FISH GRABBER" COMES TO LIFE, AND THE DESPOOLING TAKES PLACE...TRUE FAMILY ENJOYMENT, AS THE FISH BECOMES QUICKLY EXHAUSTED AND READILY SUBMITS TO CAPTURE.

FROM THERE, LET TECHNOLOGY DO THE DIRTY WORK, AS IT'S MECHANICAL CLAWS GRAB THE WORN OUT FISH BY THE TAIL, WHILE SENDING YOU A TEXT ON YOUR SMARTPHONE APP TO "REEL IN".

A FRESHLY CAUGHT FISH IS SOON IN YOUR NET...A FRESH FISH DINNER SOON AWAITS YOUR FAMILY!

WHAT COULD BE SIMPLER?

THIS IS TECHNOLOGY THAT HAS TED WILLIAMS TURNING IN HIS GRAVE!

BUT WAIT...LET'S BETTER THE DEAL...FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, FOR AN EXTRA $259.95, WE WILL INCLUDE THE AUTOMATED REEL, COMPUTERIZED HUMMING POLE, "ACTION CAMERA",  "THE FISH GRABBER", AND AN UNDERWATER STORAGE BOX WHICH AUTOMATICALLY CATCHES AND STORES YOUR FISH UNDETECTED TILL YOUR READY TO LEAVE. HOW PERFECT IS THAT?

WHO NEEDS THE HASSLE OF A FISHING LICENSE WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN SEEM TO BE FISHING TO START WITH?

FOR THE FIRST 1000 CUSTOMERS WE'LL EVEN THROW IN A TWO YEAR SUPPLY OF CESIUM PELLETS...YOU CAN AUTO FISH EVERY DAY...WHAT A LIFE!

ORDER NOW!

PLEASE CALL 1-800--FISH GRAB

YOUR "FISH GRABBER" WILL BE BILLED TO YOUR MASTERCARD OR VISA AT $1,200

AUTOMATED "FISH GRABBER FOR $1,459.95

OR JUST PAY A MONTHLY INSTALLMENT OF $25 FOR THE REST OF YOUR WAKING LIFE.

HAPPY FISHING

From the makers of the "Robot Dog Walker" and the "Deer Hunt Rifle Drone"
RAMCO-Abusing Technology Wherever We Can!



p.s. Don't even ask...I was apparently out of my mind over the weekend and I tapped this out.
Seemed to be amusing anyway...please forgive my idiocy here...

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

Mom's Make The World Go Around!

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2015

MOM'S MAKE THE WORLD GO AROUND!

Once I said, if left to the guys;

There would be no baby's, there would be no pies!

Women are special, but Mother's gain glee;

From Women to Mother...for all of us to see!

But beauty to focus, commit to new life;

Whether she's to herself or be a wife.

It's that considerable durability, her ability...

The mind set of going full term, what agility...

Men folk can only stare and wonder;

As her hormones peak out and thunder.

What must be going through her mind;

Her body all contorted, all out of line?

But, she smiles, despite the pain, the weight gain;

Almost feels like she's going insane!

And the kicking and the cravings, unborn misbehaving;

Being a Mother...is nocturnal enslaving!

But, then it happens, through labor and the sweat;

Here come baby, all gooey and wet!

A smile comes to her face, but work has just begun;

Is it a girl...or is it a son?

The commitment to her partner, man or girl;

Is what makes Mom's special, it rules our world...

So, Happy Mother's Day, to all that endure;

Mom's make the world go around...that be for sure!

P.S. This is dedicated to the memory of my Mom, who still wakes me up in spirit each day, and to the blessings of my sister Kat...without her guidance and belief in me at earlier periled times, I simply would not exist. Bless you girls, All My Love!

Kirk Carter

Soho, New York

Booty Tush Bass Pad

Kirk Carter@ Chew Bear Productions@ Copyright 2015

BOOTY TUSH BASS PAD

This is a design based on resonating the buttocks natural fat lipids which are active in the 1.7 and 2.8 hertz range. The device uses Inductive Reactance and Harmonic Resonance to perform it's magic. With the input of just a smartphone as your preamp, you create a field of energy in that range from the primariy ribbon of magnetic winding's of the padded pillow you sit on, it transmits it's energy to the fat lipids in that region, creating vibration within the body itself.

This feels fantastic!

With a descent mid-range and treble set of headphones or ear buds, one can achieve levels of compression that you would only get in a sealed studio, perhaps a car, or better yet...a live concert!

The Booty Tush Bass Pad makes no actual sound to a person sitting next to the one sitting on the pad, but they may hear music emanating from one's buttock region. As their eyes are rolled back and enjoying the experience, envy just might ensue!

Specifications

Frequency response-flat magnetic resonance at 2 hertz to 150 kilohertz

(Dependent on lucidity of the fat lipids in the buttocks)

Output is measured at 150 decibels at fat to body weight of 10%

2 watts measured at 8 ohms

Battery life (expectancy)

12 volt/ 1.5 amp hour (about an expected 5 hours between charges)

Charge time: About 2 hours

Suggested price with transducer, plug in battery pack, walking butt strap, and concealing pillow $85

Expected limited release 11/ 2015

Kirk Carter

Chew Bear Productions

Soho, New York